I don’t understand

My PhD adviser told me something when I first started out, which he kept repeating for all my doctoral work, “It’s only simple because you don’t understand it.” He was using it in the context of some research idea we grad students would come up with, thinking it was a slam dunk. In reality the idea would turn out to be either much more difficult because of the details, or just so outrageously wrong that it would have been a very wild, long, and costly goose chase. I think this applies to most things out there. I have an arrogance that I think I could learn anything, given some time and someone to teach me. To be honest I believe this is true for everybody, just that you might need more or less time depending on your particular gifts. Nice idea, right? Is it accurate? It depends on your definition.

Right now I’m not feeling too smart today. I want to begin writing my musical, but two things are stopping me. The first is time. Family and personal life right now is insane. I’ve also got competing interests between the unnamed musical, Walking the Infinite (which I need to get ready for the Nichols), and trying to find the people to shoot a short I wrote. That’s not counting the programming I need to get done for my project with a friend of mine in Germany. Okay, so the time thing could definitely get in the way, but you know what is getting more in the way? Fear. What’s weird is it’s not the normal fear of starting a new story, but the fear that this is a totally new medium. I don’t understand the structure on the page of a screenplay. I hate not knowing. I don’t understand the amount of work that, even when I get this together, it will take to show someone else the material. I don’t know if I really am ready to take all this on. I love my concept. It has a satisfying (at least so far to me) main character arc. Most of my characters have needs that are easily identifiable. (I say most since two of my characters are mostly comedy relief, but even they have needs, just that they will never be met.) It’s got good drama elements. The other fear is that it might be a bit campy, but then again sometimes that’s what gives musicals their charm.

So it comes down to setting priorities and working them out. Not an easy task, but once I’ve overcome my fear I should be able to take baby steps forward and see with wonder what’s on the other side.